I have decided we need some women around here. Proper ones, not like Rose.
In an active recruitment drive for split arses, I'm sat here seductively in my Dressing Gown of Many Stains and you can just see my knackers if I sit cross legged on my chair. I'm well sexy. Form a queue ladies.
bogus
11/03/2010 07:49
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I might email Yulia a link
alright bogus
I smell LOVELY today
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 07:59
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I bet you do
bogus
11/03/2010 08:07
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oh man, it's like Project Mayhem
totally going to do that in Tesco next time, the fucking eight quid overcharging cuntlicks
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 08:10
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Fuck spelling stuff with herbs then
You want to go and smash shit up.
bogus
11/03/2010 08:15
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I'll wait til the sexy big-nosed girl is on the tills then
she'll be WELL impressed, I'll probably get a gobble for being so manly
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 08:20
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You should defo come to Skipton then
There's a lass works on the customer service bit called Sarah, I know for a fact that she's a massive slag, so she'll probably nosh you if you just said hello or something.
bogus
11/03/2010 08:23
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when I shared a flat in Cheshire, my flatmate was constantly trying to get off with the blonde slaggy bint at Somerfield
it got embarassing
he even bought one of those tiny little spycams and tried to get a photo of her
I think he was planning on photoshopping her onto some vile pornography
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 08:26
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Is he in prison yet?
bogus
11/03/2010 08:35
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I'm not in the least bit surprised by this revelation
bogus
11/03/2010 08:45
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Also
Goat yoghurt with banana in is not acceptable as food. Just so you know.
bogus
11/03/2010 08:54
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if that's gay slang for something then Imma have to ban yo ass
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 08:56
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I've been sailing very close to the gay winds lately
I'll have to change a few things. What I meant to say was that for breakfast I ate some nails.
bogus
11/03/2010 08:58
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screw you buster, I'm off out to see the womanthing
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 09:19
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Wimin!
Last Friday there were 6 women all in various states of undress right here getting photos done for the catalogue for our agency. Now you would think a chap would be very happy about this but it was a fucking nightmare. Mind you when they had gone I boned the Mrs on the front room floor.
alright bogus
alright Gilgamesh
alright other shitcunts who are not here yet.
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totally off out now
but remember, my Cheshire flatmate was a pornographer
so yeah, women in various states of undress, total nightmare, hell on earth, wouldn't wish that on my enemies etc
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 09:37
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Alright Cap'n
I had a similar nightmare a few months ago at the bird's house. Half a dozen of her daughter's mates were there getting ready for a night out. If they'd just shut the fuck up and let me look quietly the world would be a lot nicer. I should like to point out that these people were all about twenty, no actual noncing took place. Just so we get that clear.
bogus
11/03/2010 10:03
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Don't get me wrong, it was nice seeing wimmins bits
but I was working and had a deadline for that day. One of them looked just like Veronica Hamel out of Hill St Blues. She was about 40 and drop dead gorjus.I may have letched a bit, but only a little bit. Nothing untoward just to make that clear.
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Yeah, semi naked wimmins put me off stuff too.
Also, a word of advice. When the missus says of some famous bint on the telly "Do you think she's attractive?" the correct procedure is as follows - look up and remind yourself who it is you are talking to, when you realise it's not the blokes at work you can then say "She's ok I suppose." What you don't want to do is say "Yeah, she'd get it". Chicks don't dig that shit it seems.
bogus
11/03/2010 10:14
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I made that mistake once.
I was lucky to escape with my nads intact.
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I don't even remember what women are
alright bogeys
alright captain_pod_rutter
alright gigglesmith
some_cunt
11/03/2010 14:22
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alright cuntybotty
totally just got home here
totally going to bed now
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 15:46
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hi babe
I'll be up in a minute
some_cunt
11/03/2010 16:19
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alright bogus
alright Captain_Hood_Butter
alright Gilgamesh
alright some_cunt
cowfoot
11/03/2010 16:11
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alright twofoocs
my boss asked me to buy Cialis for him earlier. I'm a bit concerned about what he has planned for this evening.
some_cunt
11/03/2010 16:20
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Alright cowfoot
Alright some_cunt I fucking stink here. Totally farting myself inside out and I'm getting upset about it now.
bogus
11/03/2010 16:33
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I had that last week.
It was a bit awkward at home, disturbing in the car yet hilarious in Tesco.
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well fuck orf then, i'll stick to posting on fb
rose
11/03/2010 18:14
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Fanny Blogs?
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OOoh
Get her. Alright Flower.
bogus
11/03/2010 19:15
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what did you have for lunch?
Derek Monte
11/03/2010 22:37
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alright DelMo
I had a Ginsters cornish pastie, it was well lush
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 23:01
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Alright Gilgamesh
I'm drinking a bottle of Hobgoblin
Derek Monte
11/03/2010 23:08
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I'm injecting Taboo into one eyeball and Mirage into the other
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 23:40
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alright googlemass and the pit
I feel quite splendid. Easy runnins and no fuckery, fe real star.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 17:15
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alright cofwoot
I could just go a sausage roll right now
or a steak
or a massage with extras and a happy ending
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 17:17
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I haven't been here for ages.
Is it still a shitcunt free zone here?
Badger
10/03/2010 19:53
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ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 20:38
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theres a woman on come dine with me on channel four right now with all of her tits out
all over the shop. hanging out of her blouse and that
rose
10/03/2010 17:41
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get this right, I'm not a fan of hangy out tits and that
more than a handful's a waste etc etc
alright rose
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 17:49
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you'll NEVER be as cool as Whitesnake
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 17:51
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She gets it
cowfoot
10/03/2010 22:24
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alright cwftooo
I just watched the football, oh yes I did
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 22:30
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Well played
I've been in a great mood all day. Did a little dance earlier. I want to kiss you.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 22:55
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totally eating a Double Decker here
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:09
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Totally drinking homebrewed jamaican rum here
it's fucking lush.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:27
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I usually steer clear of homemade spirits
ever since someone gave me Uncle Olaf's pear schnapps in Stuttgart
it was like napalm mixed with cow piss, krauts should stick to making beer
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:32
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I got a bit too involved in some homebrewed plum brandy
at a wedding in Slovakia this time. Apparently it's frowned upon to fall asleep on the bride and groom's bed and start frothing at the mouth. Local customs, eh? Crazy.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:42
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conversely, it's perfectly acceptable to get wankered and yack up vodka and gherkins in a Polish nightclub
well, I didn't get any complaints anyway
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:48
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I'm surprised you weren't given lifetime VIP membership
Derek Monte
11/03/2010 00:05
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FUCK YES
16,000 to DelMo right there folks
Gilgamesh
11/03/2010 00:09
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That's made my week and all
Derek Monte
11/03/2010 00:13
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It's made my hole weak
hurhurhur
cowfoot
11/03/2010 00:59
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mine are always out.
my mam has been talking for five minutes now but no one is listening. its probably not about whitesnake
rose
10/03/2010 17:54
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I fancy the one on the left, she's WELL fit
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 17:56
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whats up with the cunt on the rights chin then
rose
10/03/2010 17:57
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he suffers from Bumchin
just be thankful it's not the more severe form of bumchineck, no one wants to see that
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 18:01
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rose
10/03/2010 18:03
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FINE IM OFF OUT LOVE YOU MISS YOU XXXXXXXX
rose
10/03/2010 18:07
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LATERS BYE, BYE, MISSING YOU ALREADY, BYE
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 18:09
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dear god
I want to grab her chineck and flobble it around and shout FLOBBLE OBBLE OBBLE FLOBBLE WOBBLE CHINECK right in her face
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 18:08
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Puff. I run that every morning.
alright cowfoot
alright Gilgamesh
alright rose
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I knew you'd chime in about that
you do a run in proper running clobber, I was wearing boots
you puff
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 19:26
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I don't wear proper running clobber.
Jeans, boots and a jacket. Massive puff.
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bollocks, I bet you wear a pink tutu and stilettos
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 20:43
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Only to meet the school bus.
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Why did you go and do something like that for you daft bastard?
JackAction
10/03/2010 23:09
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alright Gilgamesh
alright captain_hood_butter
alright cowfoot
alright rose
alright badger
JackAction
10/03/2010 23:10
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BECAUSE YOU ARE GAY AND YOU SMELL AND YOU DO NOT WIPE YOUR BOTTOM PROPERLY
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:11
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Yeah but right, my feet don't even hurt a little bit.
JackAction
10/03/2010 23:14
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tell you what right, totally finished my Double Decker now and I'm smoking a fag
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:20
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Ed Balls is a right snivelling little cunt
Just saying like
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:26
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he looks like the sort of bloke who's perfectly nice in person but pays whores to shit in his mouth every weekend
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:28
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He reminds me of Piers Fletcher-Dervish from the New Statesman
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:31
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Actually, a lot of the internet thinks the same
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:33
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look at this and try not to do the mouth thing, you can't resist
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:51
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|
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I'ma have a beer
alright Badger
alright Captain_Hood_Butter
alright cowfoot
alright Gilgamesh
alright rose
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:09
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alright DelMo
alright JackAction
let's get a conga line going
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:13
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always a pleasure, never a chore Derek
what's new and exciting in your life today?
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:18
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Homebase have got my BBQ in stock so I'm going to pick that up at the weekend
It's all go at Monte Towers
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:20
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I bought a three quarter inch hole punch
just saying like
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:24
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Did I ever tell you about my shrivelled winky?
Probably.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:32
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Have you thought about showing it to an optician?
Derek Monte
10/03/2010 23:36
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I've sent pictures
lots and lots of pictures. Reminds me, I need to buy some new crayons.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:38
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can it knock three quarter inch holes in mild steel?
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 23:37
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I'll let you know from the hospital
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:39
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It's made my life a misery
if that's what you're asking.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 23:43
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Can you stretch the foreskin over your head and whistle down your jappy?
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You're not so old I can't bend you over my knee
young man. Hold on, I just got a lazy lob on. Happy days indeed.
cowfoot
11/03/2010 00:10
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Oh what a drama
I'm attempting to write a letter to the mother of my son without including the words "fuck", "off", "you" and "dizzy cunt". It's a good thing my vocabulary is extended. Much like my shrivelled winky when I think about bogbrush, gigglymess and the captain in their birthday suits, frollicking.
cowfoot
09/03/2010 18:20
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I'm frollicking naked right now.
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I'm wankrupt
cowfoot
10/03/2010 01:30
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I just tried, and succeeded, in doing much the same to npower.
alright Captain_Hood_Butter
alright cowfoot
I may have told one of their heavies to go and fuck himself with his wanky attitude.
bogus
09/03/2010 20:18
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this is the most badass thing ive read in like, a couple of days or something
rose
09/03/2010 21:42
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Tell you what Flower
This cunt comes on my phone giving it all that and I was like all "FUCK YOU" and I put the phone down and he's totally shitting it now.
bogus
09/03/2010 22:07
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christ almighty thats hot
rose
09/03/2010 22:49
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I ain't gonna boff you!
bogus
09/03/2010 22:56
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Oh great, now I'm thinking about bogbrush, gigglymess and the captain in their birthday suits, frollicking
Just as I was going to bed 'an all.
alright bogbrush
alright captain_poo_cutter
alright twofoocs
alright treacle
some_cunt
09/03/2010 23:57
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Oh man
I totally left you out. It's like you came round to fix the fridge and got right involved in the frolics. Careful, we just reached new levels of sexy.
cowfoot
10/03/2010 01:08
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fuck off you dizzy cunt
alright bogus
alright Captain_Hood_Butter
alright cowfoot
alright rose
alright some_cunt
Gilgamesh
10/03/2010 01:28
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alright giggler
cowfoot
10/03/2010 01:33
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