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It's good but could you add
a guitar solo after the
middle eight?

Do you ever stop and think, shit, why am I doing this? I do it a lot, drives chicks crazy. And it's sometimes useful to apply this philosophy to music as it raises some interesting questions about why we do what we do. Like why do we even have music? What purpose does it serve? You can't eat it, it doesn't keep you warm in winter and it's not good to rub your crotch against so that's the three primary evolutionary driving forces ruled out straight away. You can't look at it and say aha, this is a picture of a smiling nun with no eyebrows and you can't run your hands along it and conclude that it's a misshapen woman with a hole through her abdomen.

Needs more finger tapping
and whammy bar divebombs

In short, modern music serves no practical purpose beyond evoking an emotional reaction and, well, just making us feel good for reasons that we don't fully understand and in a way that we can't fully explain, both as a personal experience and as a shared experience. It is utterly abstract and unless you're unbelievably pretentious, it doesn't represent anything.

So this all begs the question, where is music going wrong these days? I can't really speak with much authority on this as I gave up on Top of the Pops at the age of eleven. But I do know where guitarists are going wrong. So I'm going to rant about that for a while. Stop me if I start frothing at the mouth.

First off, here's a list of some guitarists I can't fucking stand to listen to: Eric Johnson, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, Steve Vai, Brian May ... oh wait, did I mention your favourite guitarist in that list? If I didn't then email me and I'll add their names. Why don't I like these players? Because they are dreadful musicians. Yes, you are reading that right. Dreadful. Brilliant instrumentalists perhaps - but for the most part they're all dreadful songwriters who have disappeared up their musicianly arseholes and prefer to do a 20 minute guitar solo rather than write a decent fucking song.

Now I'm not saying we should all sell our strats and turn into X Factor contestants here. But for fuck's sake write a song, not a guitar solo. In fact try writing a song that doesn't have a guitar solo, that'd be nice once in a while maybe. Go really mad and write a song that doesn't have any guitar part in it at all, just for shits and giggles.